Happy Super Fat Tuesday!!

Well February 5th, 2008 is a big day. First we have Fat Tuesday and Mardi Gras. At work there was a party and I think people will do anything to get the company to pay for food. Second, it is Super Tuesday, the day when 24 states hold their presidential primary races. This is the day when the mainstream media told us we would know who the real candidates are. As I sit here writing this it seems that they are as befuddled with tonights results as they were with all the previous primaries and caucuses.

But bigger than all that is the weather. I know people all over the world say we are facing global warming. When I hear this, I ask them if they lived in Milwaukee, Wisconsin this year. As of yesterday we had broken our yearly average with about 53 inches total in snow. And when it hasn’t been snowing this year it is subzero, raining, sleeting or freezing rain. I haven’t seen the sun since November.

Of course tonight we are getting more snow…depending on where you are in southeast Wisconsin there could be up to 20 more inches in the next 12-16 hours! Long Beach, how I dream of thee……

This weather pattern isn’t starting out with just a pile of snow. It began with a quick cold snap this morning after several days of warmer weather. When I walked out the door , everywhere I turned I saw the most beautiful glistening lights … I mean ice. And not just a patch here or there. There was approximately 1/8 of an inch of the cleanest, clearest ice I have seen on all the sidewalks, driveways, parking lots and lawns. It really was quite beautiful after I got the image of Bambi trying to stand on an icy pond out of my head.

Now you are probably thinking, “OK a little ice. Take your time, step carefully and everything will be fine.” Remember that I said it was Fat Tuesday? I made vegetarian chili last week for a contest at work and brought it in a crock pot. Because the company social committee knew these two things, I was roped into making vegetarian gumbo for our Fat Tuesday celebration. 15 quarts of gumbo……

As I stepped outside I was carrying my crock pot, full of gumbo, and my messenger bag, with my iPod, laptop, and other essentials, AND two more Tupperware containers filled with gumbo! I have a notorius past of spilling food in crock pots as I drive, yet that wasn’t my fear today. I quietly mumbled, “Please, Please, Please, Please….” as I alternated shuffling my feet forward two inches at a time without them ever leaving the ground. It took five minutes of this wind up chattering teeth type movement to make it the 50 feet to my car.

Having reached a huge milestone towards getting to work with my 15 quarts of gumbo intact, I proceeded to carefully and strategically pack the three containers in front of the passenger seat in just such a way that none of them could fly about or spill. Feeling satisfied that those hours of playing Tetris finally paid off (I don’t recall many round or ellipse shapes in Tetris though), I began to clean the car off as it resembled a big red glazed Krispy Kreme donut. Gunning the engine to warm it up, turning on the defrosters and giving myself hand cramps while scraping had the car ready after another ten minutes (navigating around the car didn’t help much either).

Although I don’t own a fancy car with 4 wheel drive, traction control, or those other gadgets I do expect that when I hit the gas, I go. Well it worked in reverse, just not drive. As I pulled out of my parking spot, I pulled into a small dip in the road to accommodate the sewer opening, this was my greatest mistake of the morning. As I put the car in drive and pressed the gas pedal to finally get on the road to work, nothing happened. I pushed a little harder on the gas and heard the engine rev. Nothing happened. The engine shifted into second. Nothing happened. Third gear was next and the tachometer was reading 4500 RPMs. Nothing happened. The glaze had me, I was trapped in the gravity well of the sewer drain and not going anywhere.

This was great! I knew I shouldn’t have gotten out of bed when I was awoken by a migraine headache. Now I could push the car to the side until the ice melted and go back to sleep…..and then I saw the gumbo out of the corner of my eye. They were counting on me, so I began rocking the car, which isn’t easy in an automatic. I lost track of time, but eventually the wheels gained some traction and I slipped and slid all the way out of the apartment complex. And tomorrow I get to dig out again, so I better get a solid night’s sleep.